So I noticed something the other day while reading through Proverbs. Just about every verse is in there once, right, because that’s usually enough for us to “get it.”
Apparently though, Solomon felt like he needed to repeat himself. In both Proverbs 21:9 AND Proverbs 21:19 you will find this truism in your Bible:
“It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman.”
All right, women of God. Have you been “contentious” lately?
Miriam Webster defines “contentious” as “exhibiting an often perverse and wearisome tendency to quarrels and disputes.” Do you cause arguments or at least keep them going just for the sake of argument or because you want to get your point across even if it hurts your marriage?
Contentiousness used to be considered a source of shame, but now it seems that in today’s world contentious women are lauded as brave, as history-makers, and as accomplished. The world considers the wisest of women to be those who have “fought their way to the top” or who have “broken through glass ceilings.”
Look at the statistics. Top corporate female executives are often divorced and most leave the career before they have even reached their prime. Their contentiousness may have worked for them in making money, but they chose position over the subservient prestige that comes in being an honorable wife and mother. There is nothing wrong in and of itself for a woman who wants to pursue a career, and certainly God is raising up Christian woman to be active in executive roles. However, the moment the career takes precedence over the woman’s job to maintain a clean home and care for her children if she has them, this is the moment in which the woman must check if she is acting in accordance with the Word of God. In today’s culture, women who are obedient to God’s Word are considered “backward” and “unable to think for themselves.” Women who strive to be Proverbs 31 women are up against a big challenge.
Contentiousness is not a Godly quality. A Godly woman will be patient and kind, slow to anger, and exhibit the fruits of the Spirit. This is not to say that a Godly woman is not thoughtful and intelligent. A Godly woman may not be contentious, but may use wisdom and craft to formulate thoughts and words that are powerful in the spiritual realm and can open doors for that woman that may even lead to a high position in a career or in another occupation. The highest position, friends, is to be a faithful follower of Jesus Christ.
Admit it, ladies, when we are acting contentious, it probably is a good idea for your husband to head out of the house. Men are strong physically and can use that force in dangerous ways (I pray your husband has never hurt you physically – and if so, we can help you find refuge, because never ever is abuse acceptable, God wants you and your children to be safe). Women have less physical strength, and so how do we compensate? Women are strong in their words. Women can use words for building up or for tearing down, and both we do very well. James 3 reminds us that the tongue is a fire, so it can surely be destructive. We must guard our hearts – and our words. And in guarding our own hearts, women it is our responsibility to guard the hearts of our families and not do damage to the hearts of your loved ones.
If your husband feels like he’d rather climb a ladder and live on the roof, he is probably feeling isolated enough on the inside of the house by your words and actions that he figures he’d have at least a peaceful isolation if he heads outside. If you husband is living on the corner of the roof, he is probably feeling stung by your words and your bitterness, and while he might be a great Christian man, he might be really struggling with why the marriage is this way.
The best cause of action, women, is to stop. Stop and think about what you’re doing and if you feel you are being contentious, (other translations say “nagging”) it is time to repent. Confess your sin before God and ask God for help in overcoming this sin. If it is persistent for you, talk to your husband about it and ask him to pray with you.
If you aren’t sure, ask your husband if there are ever times in which he would rather live on the corner of the roof. I’m pretty sure every husband will say at least once in a while! And that’s ok. If it only happens once in a while and you’ve repented, that’s normal. But, if you are so contentious that it is causing tension in your marriage, woman of God, take notice and listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit who will give you conviction and will help you to overcome.
Be victorious. This can be a tough and long process in learning to be the Godly woman that God created you to be. Leave a comment, and we can talk about ways to continue in holiness and Godliness, Amen!
- Pastora Jennifer
****If you want to read more on a similar subject, check out this post at our regular church website on Speaking (the Truth) in ….. love!! **** Remember, just because you are speaking Truth, doesn’t mean you’re being loving about it. Love your husband, read the article, pray, and do something nice for the man. 
I live on the corner of the roof, this is causing / will cause a profound change in my 11 and 12 year old daugters. I am trying to find one topic the bride of my youth will not ague with, dismiss as trivial or downgrade . I am being dismissed as non essential by my highly paid career wife. Pray for me as I wait on the lord. I told her tonight our relationship is not bringing Glory to the Lord. Peace to you, thankyou for reading this.
Comment by Robert — April 14, 2008 @ 10:40 pm |
Hi my brother Robert, God bless you. We know you are going through a very difficult time, but you are not alone. Remember that the Lord is always with His children. Psalm 142:1-3 “I cry aloud with my voice to the Lord; I make supplication with my voice to the Lord. I pour out my complaint before Him; I declare my trouble before Him. When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, You knew my path. In the way where I walk they have hidden a trap for me.”
In verse 1, we find “voice” “cry out” and “supplication/mercy”. Many times we pray quietly, but sometimes there is a time to genuinely lift up your voice and cry out before the Lord and pray, and plead with the Lord to have mercy on your marriage, that the Lord would use you to minister to your wife and your children.
David felt frustrated and anguished, remember, people were coming after him to try to kill him. He came to a point where he realized the only One who could help him is God. Maybe you think that your marriage at this point has no way out, no hope of saving it. Maybe you’ve visited psychologists or other professionals and nothing seems to be working. But, we have a doctor who is our Lord Jesus Christ, the One who one day had permitted you and your wife to fall in love and then to have two beautiful daughters. He is the One who gives the last word. But also remember, that God does not leave a work until He brings it to perfection. I know its difficult, this situation for you as husband, but prayer and fasting breaks chains. God is with you, we will pray for your family so that God revives that love between you and your wife and in the seeking of the Lord together.
Every time you are at church and in personal prayer, seek more and more to be in the presence of God – your daughters need to see their dad standing firm on the Word regardless of the circumstances. The Word of God says seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness – what you wrote in your comment is that you desire to glorify the Lord, and that is evident – so seek to glorify the Lord in every moment, even if your wife cannot receive your words right now. Pray that God break whatever is binding her from being the loving, Godly wife of your youth. Our prayers are with you, and feel free to contact us again. May the Holy Spirit guide you – with Him all things are possible.
- Pastors Salvador & Jennifer
Comment by raveh — April 15, 2008 @ 12:58 pm |
[...] husband about it and ask … the Lord would use you to minister to your wife and your children. …http://ravehwomensministry.wordpress.com/2008/04/07/is-your-husband-living-on-the-corner-of-the-roof…Talk to Your KidsHow to talk to your Kids About Anything. Alcohol &amp Drugs. HIV &amp AIDS. [...]
Pingback by how talk to your husbands children — June 4, 2008 @ 9:28 pm |
I thank God for the wisdom he to you for been a spiritual Doctor for those who are hurt in their spirit, I so much enjoy your message here, may God continue to use you, to heal brokenhearted people in Jesu Name.
If possible, I will like you to come and teach about family matters in my church here in spain and also you can touch my branches in Africa too.
Comment by Apostle Dr. Prince Nnams — July 11, 2008 @ 5:24 am |
Would love the opportunity, please contact by email pastors.raveh@gmail.com
Blessings,
- Pastora Jennifer
Comment by raveh — July 11, 2008 @ 9:34 am |
Yeah, I don’t know why everyone seems to be so contentious all the time, even me. I don’t even know what it’s like to have a normal conversation, or what a normal conversation should sound like.
Comment by Mann Chester — September 3, 2008 @ 12:48 pm |
It is a spiritual battle – some of the contentiousness comes directly as a result of Satan trying to weave his wickedness, chaos, and destruction into our lives. Part of it though is simply our own sinful natures – humans are prone to sinning, and contentiousness is easy for us to fall into when we feel upset about something or we feel threatened. The best thing to do is to pray and ask God to give you peace in your heart, and declare that you will not allow the spirit of contentiousness to have reign in your life – instead, that the Spirit of the Living God would fill your heart and your life, and that everything that flows from your mouth in speech would be seasoned with salt and light.
Comment by raveh — September 3, 2008 @ 2:20 pm |