So I noticed something the other day while reading through Proverbs. Just about every verse is in there once, right, because that’s usually enough for us to “get it.”
Apparently though, Solomon felt like he needed to repeat himself. In both Proverbs 21:9 AND Proverbs 21:19 you will find this truism in your Bible:
“It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman.”
All right, women of God. Have you been “contentious” lately?
Miriam Webster defines “contentious” as “exhibiting an often perverse and wearisome tendency to quarrels and disputes.” Do you cause arguments or at least keep them going just for the sake of argument or because you want to get your point across even if it hurts your marriage?
Contentiousness used to be considered a source of shame, but now it seems that in today’s world contentious women are lauded as brave, as history-makers, and as accomplished. The world considers the wisest of women to be those who have “fought their way to the top” or who have “broken through glass ceilings.”
Look at the statistics. Top corporate female executives are often divorced and most leave the career before they have even reached their prime. Their contentiousness may have worked for them in making money, but they chose position over the subservient prestige that comes in being an honorable wife and mother. There is nothing wrong in and of itself for a woman who wants to pursue a career, and certainly God is raising up Christian woman to be active in executive roles. However, the moment the career takes precedence over the woman’s job to maintain a clean home and care for her children if she has them, this is the moment in which the woman must check if she is acting in accordance with the Word of God. In today’s culture, women who are obedient to God’s Word are considered “backward” and “unable to think for themselves.” Women who strive to be Proverbs 31 women are up against a big challenge.
Contentiousness is not a Godly quality. A Godly woman will be patient and kind, slow to anger, and exhibit the fruits of the Spirit. This is not to say that a Godly woman is not thoughtful and intelligent. A Godly woman may not be contentious, but may use wisdom and craft to formulate thoughts and words that are powerful in the spiritual realm and can open doors for that woman that may even lead to a high position in a career or in another occupation. The highest position, friends, is to be a faithful follower of Jesus Christ.
Admit it, ladies, when we are acting contentious, it probably is a good idea for your husband to head out of the house. Men are strong physically and can use that force in dangerous ways (I pray your husband has never hurt you physically – and if so, we can help you find refuge, because never ever is abuse acceptable, God wants you and your children to be safe). Women have less physical strength, and so how do we compensate? Women are strong in their words. Women can use words for building up or for tearing down, and both we do very well. James 3 reminds us that the tongue is a fire, so it can surely be destructive. We must guard our hearts – and our words. And in guarding our own hearts, women it is our responsibility to guard the hearts of our families and not do damage to the hearts of your loved ones.
If your husband feels like he’d rather climb a ladder and live on the roof, he is probably feeling isolated enough on the inside of the house by your words and actions that he figures he’d have at least a peaceful isolation if he heads outside. If you husband is living on the corner of the roof, he is probably feeling stung by your words and your bitterness, and while he might be a great Christian man, he might be really struggling with why the marriage is this way.
The best cause of action, women, is to stop. Stop and think about what you’re doing and if you feel you are being contentious, (other translations say “nagging”) it is time to repent. Confess your sin before God and ask God for help in overcoming this sin. If it is persistent for you, talk to your husband about it and ask him to pray with you.
If you aren’t sure, ask your husband if there are ever times in which he would rather live on the corner of the roof. I’m pretty sure every husband will say at least once in a while! And that’s ok. If it only happens once in a while and you’ve repented, that’s normal. But, if you are so contentious that it is causing tension in your marriage, woman of God, take notice and listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit who will give you conviction and will help you to overcome.
Be victorious. This can be a tough and long process in learning to be the Godly woman that God created you to be. Leave a comment, and we can talk about ways to continue in holiness and Godliness, Amen!
- Pastora Jennifer
****If you want to read more on a similar subject, check out this post at our regular church website on Speaking (the Truth) in ….. love!! **** Remember, just because you are speaking Truth, doesn’t mean you’re being loving about it. Love your husband, read the article, pray, and do something nice for the man. 
